google-site-verification: google935433b691795853.html KRISTY BERRIDGE: Brain Farts

Tuesday, 6 December 2011

Brain Farts

Well, despite the crude subtext, I can't deny that Brain Farts are in fact a serious medical condition that I myself have fallen victim to in recent times. Sure this plight may not actually kill you, but boy does it make you look like a right git to those unsuspecting of your current condition.
Thankfully most of my Brain Farts occur indoors, away from the prying eyes of others. Of course that does not stop me from slapping my own knees and cacking myself stupid when I realise what I've done. It also doesn't stop any bystanders that may be present from joining in on the self mockery either. But, it's not just me that this happens to. This is a decidedly good thing since I'm beginning to wonder if the blog doesn't present me as a somewhat hopeless case.
Anyway, I might start with the recent Brain Farts of friends and family. You know, just to shine the spotlight on someone else's stupidity for a while.
And it all begins with a colleague of mine on a midnight search for her lost mobile phone. Don't ask me why she woke in the wee hours of the morning in search of her phone, but clearly checking Facebook updates might have been on the agenda.
So after she grapples every item on the bedside table in search of said lost property, she finally finds a light, holds it in front of her and begins to overturn the bedroom looking for her phone. So I say to her at this point, 'How long were you looking for it?'. And she replies, 'It felt like hours.'
'So did you find the phone?' I ask, curious why anyone would look for a mobile that long unless limbs had recently been severed or Gerard Butler was calling in for a hot date.
'Yeah, I found the phone,' she said rather sheepishly.
I'd felt my eyebrow raise, waiting for the punchline. 'And where was it?'
'I had it in my hand the whole time. The mobile was providing the light I needed to find it.'
Enough said.
Case number two was dear old hubby. We were chatting in the car on the way home and he was telling me all about this text conversation he'd had with a customer on the phone. The weird thing was, he started making 'texting' motions, depicting his recent conversation and the detailed responses with his fingers. He did this for about ten minutes before I slapped his hand away and burst out laughing. I asked him if those fingers picked up HBO too.
Moving onto me, I probably take the cake with recent Brain Farts. Number one, I recently sat in the car, pulled the keys out of my pocket and proceeded to try and plunge it into my eye socket. Seriously, at the time, I was positive that was where you would find the ignition. Thankfully I spent the next half hour roaring with laughter instead of explaining an eye gouging in the emergency room - no damage done.
And finally, I made a beautiful dinner the other day, washed the dishes and looked at the sodden tea towel in my hands and opted to pop it in the laundry basket. I progressed to the bathroom where the linen press is kept, decided to slam dunk it like a pro basketballer and ended up slam dunking it in the toilet bowl on the opposite side of the room.
Nice.
Well, at least these incidents give us our laugh-out-loud moments when we realise the lights are on but nobody's home. Please tell me you all do stupid crap like this too?
Have a good one,

Kristy :)

4 comments:

  1. How Funny Kristy, Your husbands brain farts remind me of a few males i know when reliving a story apparently arm motions are important to this :) i too have regular brain farts and quite often in front of other spectators. I don't often realise until they start laughing themselves but that is what makes us who we are thanks for the great read :)

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  2. Oh my goodness, yes!
    My most common one is 'crap! I can't find my phone!' to the person I'm talking to on the phone right at that time.

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  3. LMFAO! Love this post! I have brain farts ALL the time and yes, it's usually with peeps around!

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  4. Nope, not me. I never do stuff like that. No, really! Never.

    Seriously, I had to read the bit about the tea towel to my Bestie and we howled with laughter. Been there, done that.

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