google-site-verification: google935433b691795853.html KRISTY BERRIDGE: 2020-08-16

Saturday, 22 August 2020

What no one tells you about Pregnancy

I couldn’t help but dabble in this subject matter for the blog. I gave birth myself just over three months ago and everything is still fresh and raw in my mind. Plus, my latest novel (currently in the editing process) is a continuation from 100 Days of Happiness and a delightfully honest foray into pregnancy, birth and all that shite no one ever tells you about. So, I would say this topic is epically timed.

What no one ever tells you about pregnancy is that there’s only a fifty-fifty chance you’re going to love every second of it or wish you’d castrated your partner before his super sperm had done its job. Me being the latter, I’d felt that pregnancy was like being part of a hostage situation. No one tells you that you’ll lose the real-estate on your bladder and have to move full-time onto the porcelain bus and no one tells you that the first three months you’re shelling out cash for endless tests just to make sure you have a healthy human instead of a mini ape growing inside you.

What else does no one tell you? That your favourite Cuppa Joe may suddenly be removed from palatable substances you used to consume, your farts could end the world and every single day is a ‘fat day’ ladies. I should go on to mention that also, no one ever tells you how much labour will actually hurt. Imagine a Mack track ramming head first into a sewerage pipe and busting through the other end. Do you think there’s any damage after that? Sure, there’s stitches, blood, a giant gaping hole for future sexual exploits and probably a case of your insides trying to escape through your cervix. Nice, huh?

But on a lighter note, what no one can ever explain or tell you about pregnancy is how much you will love that little stow-away the second you lay eyes on him. And, despite all of the reasons mentioned above to book a full hysterectomy now, every single second of trauma will be worth it.

Unless of course the little bastard screams incessantly and never lets you sleep ...

Kristy 😃