I was at work today, thoroughly more efficient than ever, and finding myself without a decent amount of work to keep my ever wandering mind occupied. So I started to think about all the ways we add to spoken sentences within our head but never actually say them out loud. I'm referring to the unsung profanities that generally follow a perfectly decent and seemingly innocent statement or question.
Today for instance, a colleague of mine was attempting to wrangle some young children in the waiting room who were deeply rooted by a colouring-in obsession. These kids weren't especially open to ceasing this seemingly enjoyable activity, and they made no qualms about telling her as much. Negotiations opened, but I could see that she was losing them. Finally she said, 'Come on, kids, up you get, just bring you're colouring-in books with you.'.
Now, it may just be me, but during the pause that followed, I imagined her thinking, 'Because if you don't get up now, I'm going to shove those pencils right up your butt.' Perhaps it's just me, but it rang as clear as day inside my head, if not with a few more expletives thrown in.
She's a lot more patient than I am.
But wait there's more, a few of them I've listed here. Let's see if you concur ...
1. 'Yeah you look great in that! ...... When the lights are off and my eyes are closed!'
2. 'I'm doing the <insert activity here> ...... What does it look like you f@#!king idiot!'
3. 'No thanks, I'm not hungry ...... You're cooking tastes like crap.'
4. 'No, your driving is fine ...... As long as I'm not in the car.'
5. 'No I didn't fart! ...... Much ...'
6. 'You're pimple's not that bad ...... Though NASA may send a probe to be sure.'
7. 'I'd love to go out on Saturday ...... Until I get a better offer.'
8. 'I'm sorry ...... As if.'
9. 'Oh, you want to know where to put that? ...... I'll show you where you can put it ...'
There's probably a million more, but this was all I could think of right now. I've used a few of them myself this week. I often wonder what the world would be like without the in-built censor button. Why don't you leave some comments and let me know what you've said lately that you wish you could have added out loud.
Have a good one,