google-site-verification: google935433b691795853.html KRISTY BERRIDGE: Warring with my Waistline

Saturday, 3 December 2011

Warring with my Waistline

(Warning - I'm not always 'PC', sorry about that)
Well, it's Saturday again, a day of rest, a day of good solid eating and a decidedly perfect day to break into my chocolate stash. Well, not anymore. The reason is I don't have one. Yes you heard right. I have diced all of the decidedly wicked food in my fridge for the waistline friendly, taste bud testing, merits of healthy eating.
Bleh!
As you can tell I'm not a fan. I'd much prefer to pick up a burger and fries on the way home than figure out the difference between flambeing and frying. Most of the time I simply look at the utensils in my kitchen draw and wonder what else I could do with them besides cooking. Again ... not any more.
So, in light of an earlier post where I kept talking about my third leg (long story, check out the link), I decided I'd better do something about this seriously unhealthy venture. Granted, I'm not fat. I didn't sink the titanic and I don't need a forklift to get to and from work.
But I'm also not like this either;


Anyway, I'm going to be. This is me in about a week's time.

So, due to this decidedly healthy turn, I've taken on this 21 day diet which basically means all I eat is well ... not much. And so far I've come to a few startling conclusions.
1. I bloody hate cucumbers - If I have to eat another one, I'm probably going to do it, but I'm going to bitch and moan about it the entire time.
2. Low calories equals low energy - Goodbye sex life.
3. Eating a piece of fruit is not the same as a piece of chocolate. I don't care if they both contain sugars. One tastes like heaven and the other tastes comparatively like poo.
4. My spice rack now looks like I actually know what to do with it.
5. I am hungry all of the time.
And with that, I have also clearly uncovered the true purpose behind all diets. It's not about losing weight at all, or getting 'healthy' as the skinny people like to say. It's about being so damn hungry that eventually you cave, grab a carving knife, and eat your own cellulitey body parts just to satisfy the cravings!
So I bid you goodbye, leaving you with the thought that while I may look like Cindy Crawford in a week, I may also be lunch if the hunger does not desist.
Have a good one, I'll keep you posted.

Kristy :)

3 comments:

  1. OMG Kristy how funny! Next time your eating your cucumber imagine that it is a chocolate log or something just as tasty then it may not be as bad :). I can't wait to see you Cindy Crawford body in a weeks time :)

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  2. That was hilarious Kristy! Diets do suck royally! Good luck with it hon! :)

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  3. You crack me up, Berridge!
    I have to say though, what concerns me more than your will to, um... I can't think of a word for cannibalism when it pertains to ones' self, but anyway... what concerns me is the 'fruit to poo' comparison. I sincerely hope that's hypothetical rationale ;)

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