Follow Friday #10

Happy Friday everyone!

Yes, it’s that time of week again where bloggers unite to participate in the Follow Friday venture. The idea behind #FF is to promote traffic to your own blog, make new friends with other like-minded bloggers and discuss new and interesting topics each week.

Participating is simple. First you need to follow my blog because I’m totally awesome, then you can follow me on Twitter @kristyberridge (actually you don’t have to do this, it’s wishful thinking), but do follow my blog or assassins will get you …

Then you must follow our illustrious hosts Rachel of http://www.parajunkee.com/ and Alison of http://www.alisoncanread.com/ If you want more details on how to enter your own blog in the follow and hop, all directions are on their webpages

Now, once you’ve followed, check out my answer to this week’s questions and don’t forget to leave a comment so I can do the right thing and follow you back!

This week's question: Keeping with the spirit of giving this season, what book do you think EVERYONE should read and if you could, you would buy it for all of your family and friends?

Answer: My book The Hunted of course! EVERYONE should go out right now and buy it. Really ... right now. Your burning daylight just standing there.

Okay, so I'm kidding. Not really, but I do realise that I should give you an answer that's not self-endorsing.

So, if I had to choose a book that I think everyone should read, and I know this is going to sound supremely boring, but it's a dictionary. I don't know how many times a day I cringe, listening to people around me use incorrect words within sentences or spell them wrong in messages. And don't even get me started on the up and coming youth. Give them a dictionary? Some of them need to be slapped in the face with one!

So yes, this is probably why everyone says I'm a crappy aunt, because I suggest dictionaries instead of Steven King or Stephanie Meyer, but there you have it. I clearly suck (except my super awesome book The Hunted).

Brain Farts

Well, despite the crude subtext, I can't deny that Brain Farts are in fact a serious medical condition that I myself have fallen victim to in recent times. Sure this plight may not actually kill you, but boy does it make you look like a right git to those unsuspecting of your current condition.
Thankfully most of my Brain Farts occur indoors, away from the prying eyes of others. Of course that does not stop me from slapping my own knees and cacking myself stupid when I realise what I've done. It also doesn't stop any bystanders that may be present from joining in on the self mockery either. But, it's not just me that this happens to. This is a decidedly good thing since I'm beginning to wonder if the blog doesn't present me as a somewhat hopeless case.
Anyway, I might start with the recent Brain Farts of friends and family. You know, just to shine the spotlight on someone else's stupidity for a while.
And it all begins with a colleague of mine on a midnight search for her lost mobile phone. Don't ask me why she woke in the wee hours of the morning in search of her phone, but clearly checking Facebook updates might have been on the agenda.
So after she grapples every item on the bedside table in search of said lost property, she finally finds a light, holds it in front of her and begins to overturn the bedroom looking for her phone. So I say to her at this point, 'How long were you looking for it?'. And she replies, 'It felt like hours.'
'So did you find the phone?' I ask, curious why anyone would look for a mobile that long unless limbs had recently been severed or Gerard Butler was calling in for a hot date.
'Yeah, I found the phone,' she said rather sheepishly.
I'd felt my eyebrow raise, waiting for the punchline. 'And where was it?'
'I had it in my hand the whole time. The mobile was providing the light I needed to find it.'
Enough said.
Case number two was dear old hubby. We were chatting in the car on the way home and he was telling me all about this text conversation he'd had with a customer on the phone. The weird thing was, he started making 'texting' motions, depicting his recent conversation and the detailed responses with his fingers. He did this for about ten minutes before I slapped his hand away and burst out laughing. I asked him if those fingers picked up HBO too.
Moving onto me, I probably take the cake with recent Brain Farts. Number one, I recently sat in the car, pulled the keys out of my pocket and proceeded to try and plunge it into my eye socket. Seriously, at the time, I was positive that was where you would find the ignition. Thankfully I spent the next half hour roaring with laughter instead of explaining an eye gouging in the emergency room - no damage done.
And finally, I made a beautiful dinner the other day, washed the dishes and looked at the sodden tea towel in my hands and opted to pop it in the laundry basket. I progressed to the bathroom where the linen press is kept, decided to slam dunk it like a pro basketballer and ended up slam dunking it in the toilet bowl on the opposite side of the room.
Nice.
Well, at least these incidents give us our laugh-out-loud moments when we realise the lights are on but nobody's home. Please tell me you all do stupid crap like this too?
Have a good one,

Kristy :)

Warring with my Waistline

(Warning - I'm not always 'PC', sorry about that)
Well, it's Saturday again, a day of rest, a day of good solid eating and a decidedly perfect day to break into my chocolate stash. Well, not anymore. The reason is I don't have one. Yes you heard right. I have diced all of the decidedly wicked food in my fridge for the waistline friendly, taste bud testing, merits of healthy eating.
Bleh!
As you can tell I'm not a fan. I'd much prefer to pick up a burger and fries on the way home than figure out the difference between flambeing and frying. Most of the time I simply look at the utensils in my kitchen draw and wonder what else I could do with them besides cooking. Again ... not any more.
So, in light of an earlier post where I kept talking about my third leg (long story, check out the link), I decided I'd better do something about this seriously unhealthy venture. Granted, I'm not fat. I didn't sink the titanic and I don't need a forklift to get to and from work.

But I'm also not like this either;

Anyway, I'm going to be. This is me in about a week's time.

So, due to this decidedly healthy turn, I've taken on this 21 day diet which basically means all I eat is well ... not much. And so far I've come to a few startling conclusions.

1. I bloody hate cucumbers - If I have to eat another one, I'm probably going to do it, but I'm going to bitch and moan about it the entire time.

2. Low calories equals low energy - Goodbye sex life.

3. Eating a piece of fruit is not the same as a piece of chocolate. I don't care if they both contain sugars. One tastes like heaven and the other tastes comparatively like poo.

4. My spice rack now looks like I actually know what to do with it.

5. I am hungry all of the time.

And with that, I have also clearly uncovered the true purpose behind all diets. It's not about losing weight at all, or getting 'healthy' as the skinny people like to say. It's about being so damn hungry that eventually you cave, grab a carving knife, and eat your own cellulitey body parts just to satisfy the cravings!

So I bid you goodbye, leaving you with the thought that while I may look like Cindy Crawford in a week, I may also be lunch if the hunger does not desist.

Have a good one, I'll keep you posted.

Kristy :)

Follow Friday #9

Happy Friday everyone!

Yes, it’s that time of week again where bloggers unite to participate in the Follow Friday venture. The idea behind #FF is to promote traffic to your own blog, make new friends with other like-minded bloggers and discuss new and interesting topics each week.

Participating is simple. First you need to follow my blog because I’m totally awesome, then you can follow me on Twitter @kristyberridge (actually you don’t have to do this, it’s wishful thinking), but do follow my blog or assassins will get you …

Then you must follow our illustrious hosts Rachel of http://www.parajunkee.com/ and Alison of http://www.alisoncanread.com/ If you want more details on how to enter your own blog in the follow and hop, all directions are on their webpages

Now, once you’ve followed, check out my answer to this week’s questions and don’t forget to leave a comment so I can do the right thing and follow you back!


Now to this week's question: What is your biggest pet peeve when it comes to books? Maybe you don't like love triangles or thin plots? Tell us about it!


My answer is pretty simple. I hate the foretelling of weak and useless women. I personally have never met one yet. We all have spunk and uniqueness, our own way of taking charge of life whether emotionally, physically or spiritually. To read about a woman stumbling over herself, demeaned by those around her and simply accepting it as true makes my blood boil. No matter the plot or the circumstance, inside we are all strong, beautiful and ever evolving. To not see that in at least some written word can be deeply disappointing from a reader perspective.
Ooh, I also hate reading sex scenes that throw in words like turgid, opening tulip, quivering member and soft center  I know you're trying not to say Penis or Vagina, but bloody hell, stop picking on nature and one-eyed snakes.
Have a good one everyone and happy #ff!


Kristy :)

November Follower Frenzy Results!

I just want to say a big thank you to everyone who participated in this giveaway. Thanks to your support I have gained over 700 views of the blog in the last two weeks alone, 30 new followers on the blog and a whopping 48 new Twitter followers!
You guys rock!
Now. Down to business.
As you know, I'm giving away an autographed copy of my novel The Hunted, the very first in a series of five. There will also be a custom designed Hunted T-shirt, which I myself wear not only for promotion, but out and about. It's pretty damn cool if I do say so myself.
So, without any more stall tactics, the winner is:

Braiden Asciak - otherwise known as '@livin_thru-arts' on Twitter!

Yay you! Now once you're finished, write an excellent review or bad karma will slap you in the face! (Kidding ... okay, maybe it will just a little bit.)

Anyway, I also wanted to give a massive shout out to:

DeAnna Schultz '@SacredmOOn1', Kelly Mills '@Kellym2372' and Tracey Spiteri '@YABookAddict'

Not only did you tweet more often than I did, you re-tweeted on a regular basis. Now you obviously missed out on the T-shirt, but I'll be sending you a signed copy of the book anyway, mostly because you are awesome and put so much effort into helping me out. How can I not thank you with what you worked so hard to attain?
Have a good one everyone, and I'll be in contact with the winners very shortly for your particulars!

Kristy :)