High Fives

I'm centering my blog today around the well used and totally abused activity of 'High Fiveing'.
Why? Because someone trying to hand slap me for a job well done feels incongruent to the purpose behind the action.
Most 'High Fives' could be classified as violent, the intent to congratulate becoming a somewhat painful statement tacked onto the end of an otherwise happy moment. I find that you end up staring down at your freshly slapped palms thinking you might need some ice for those bad boys, because God forbid, your mate never thought about that before they laid one on you.
There's also that awkward moment where someone offers you a 'High Five' and you sit there thinking, 'but I'm just not as psyched about this as you are'. But you return the favour anyway, feeling a little bit underwhelmed.
You can also miss the boat entirely, distracted by current events around you. Low and behold you finally look up and someone's waving their digits around in front of your face, expecting contact after the moment has already bloody passed. But etiquette dictates that you return the gesture anyway, because it's just plain rude not to.
I think my dislike of 'High Fives' stems from people's over excessive use of them. For example, I got up today - high five. I managed to tie my own shoelaces - high five. Hell, I've been 'High Five'd' just because I can reverse parallel park. My point is that this blatant over use is becoming a serious issue for me. What happened to a simple congratulations?
On another note, I've been told that 'High Fiveing' children is more than acceptable. But is it really? What happens when children smell your weakness and decide to exploit it? What happens when you let your guard down around your six year old nephew who offers to plant one on you only to run away laughing the second you produce your hands for the pair up?
Kids can be cruel.

So, I propose that there be no more 'High Fives' - ever. I am classifying the activity dangerous due to 'slapsies', the inevitable mishaps where hands miss hands and sometimes find faces. Not to mention when embarrassment occurs from miscommunication and your left with lonely hands in the air looking like a total tool.
Although a recent poll with my Facebook buddies has concluded that I'm just about the only person on the planet who feels this way, I don't care. 'High Fives' seriously bug me. Let me know what you think.

Kristy :)