google-site-verification: google935433b691795853.html KRISTY BERRIDGE

Tuesday, 25 April 2017

I’ve been asked to write about: The male guide to female communication.

A tricky topic if ever I’ve encountered one. I think I’d rather blog about vaginal discharge and the do’s and don’ts of battery licking, but alas I’ve been laboured with this incredibly serious task that I honestly have no formal qualifications to quantify.
Most would expect me to write something along the lines of: The female is always right so just say, ‘yes, dear’ and be done with it, but that is almost never the case. So, rather than listing what I think men ‘should’ say or even how they ‘should’ communicate with women, I’ll simply write a list of the things we don’t like so you know what to avoid. Obviously if you decide to tell your wife or significant other that ‘yes, that blue dress does make you look fat’ then you’re going to get a slap. There’s a time and place for honesty too.

1.       When you’re running late, don’t tell her that she looks great because you want her to hurry up—we know you’re lying, give honest feedback instead (except the fat thing, I’m serious about the slapping). Let her know that perhaps her shoes would be better in another colour or a longer dress etc, etc—helpful feedback, not the kind where you’re literally seconds from shoving her face-first into the taxi.
2.       We love it when you listen to what we’re saying and remember it. I’m serious. When I have to repeat myself I almost always go postal. Aint nobody got time for that, especially a busy wife, mother or working woman!
3.       We hate it when you leave your clothes on the damn floor (especially next to the intended destination like the washing basket). Who picked it up for you before your significant other came along? Who washed it, folded it and put it away? That’s right … you did. We’re not your f#@king slaves, so be considerate.
4.       It may not be in your nature, but occasionally we love it when you do something unexpected that might actually help, like unpack the dishwasher and put everything away, hang out a load of wet laundry, vacuum the floor. We certainly don’t expect it, but definitely appreciate the small things, because if you attempt the big things like cook a gourmet meal, you’ll almost certainly f#@k it up and leave a massive mess for her to clean up which puts you back at square one.
5.       Romance pays dividends. Not all the time. Cheesiness will also earn you a dick slap, but a foot rub while watching telly or making her a cup of coffee when you can see her day has been crazy will most probably earn you a BJ.

I could honestly go on. I have so many comparable situations in which male to female communication could be executed more fully, but in truth, there’s no better communication than the open dialogue you both share regularly and filtered with compromise. That’s not to say you couldn’t make more of an effort (you know you’re mostly a lazy bugger), but if you even start with listening … oh what a massive difference that would make. Unless of course you have the Olympic champion of talkers for a significant other, then feel free to tune out and Facebook until midnight. Nobody likes a Chatty Cathy!

Kristy J

Sunday, 9 April 2017

The topic of marriage equality is a brazen one with many varied and conflicting opinions. There is a school of thought that marriage is only on equal footing between the stated form of normality—male and females. Presumably, if applying only biological factors there would be some truth in this. Men and women were created/bred/realised to be sexually compatible for the procreation of our very own species. But what happens when you take away physical and sexual functions of the human race and known capability and start to consider sentiment and emotion?

For example: would the love between mother and child not be as powerful, if not more so than husband and wife? Is this not an equal form of love that is not celebrated time and time and again? What about brothers and sisters? Nieces/nephews and their aunties and uncles or even grandparents with their grandchildren. These are all celebrated and socially acceptable methods of equal love expression and yet, when a couple is solely female or solely male, the question of the purity of their love is bought into question.

The discussion of marriage equality is the most talked about and debateable subject worldwide (except for Donald Trump winning the American presidency) and sparks so many conflicting opinions. Should men marry men and should women be allowed to marry women? Who the hell are we to suddenly put constraints on yet another form of love’s expression? Should any one human being be forced to conform despite the driving force of their genetic compositions; their desires, needs, wants and rights to love any partner of their choosing?

Most of the populace accepts and celebrates the differences between us all and some governments worldwide have finally begun to listen to the mass outcry of the lesbian and gay communities fighting for social acceptance is a world where any type of love should not be challenged if operating under reasons of purity. The question is; even if marriage equality is finally legalised worldwide would that really mean an end to bigotry or social injustices or does it simply mean the majority rules?

Kristy J

Saturday, 4 March 2017

Freedom of Expression
Freedom of expression; probably the most important value each of us holds dear. Without the ability to express ourselves freely, how can we grow as individuals?

Of course, there are many reasons expression is quashed; either political, personal, sexual, artistic—it’s entirely dependent on the situation and the expression’s relativity. Many would suggest that any form of expression is relevant or justified, but that’s simply not the case. We are lucky to live in such a liberal country where the freedom of expression is mostly respected, but can you imagine if there was no regulation on how we spoke our minds or expressed ourselves creatively or even sexually?

Most consider freedom of expression the ability to write poetry, converse with conviction (in terms of liberating a valid point), painting murals that represent the local area or protesting political oppression. But just imagine if extremist groups were left unchecked and people were beheaded in the main streets of capitals and cities because of the colour of their skin? What if you had your tongue removed by someone who didn’t like the way that you argued your point during a harmless religious conversation and what would happen if people were allowed to draw all over your brand new car in marker pens because they simply ‘felt’ like expressing distaste for your Prius blue?

Yes, freedom of expression is relevant and more important than so many other things that drive us daily, but there is a time and a place for its communication. To be able to express the sincerity of your beliefs and passions is just, but as long as that outpouring does not directly impact another individual in a negative light, then please, carry on painting penis’s on bus stops or attempting to force veganism on meat eaters.

Kristy J

Thursday, 23 February 2017

Talk of Marriage
Talk of marriage has sprung up more than once in my household this week and to say that I'm both pleased and petrified by the thought would only be an admission of truth.

I suspect it might be the dream of many women globally to have the love of their life proclaim their undying devotion and desires for a future unending and filled with marital bliss. I'm not all that different, I even wonder occasionally how he will do it; billboard proposal, one knee, ring in a wine glass?

The truth is the thought of our beloved lavishing us with hefty bouts of attention and adorning us with jewellery is a major drawcard to the sacred union, but what if your partner insists the shoe be on the other foot? What if he refuses to propose in the hopes that you do all the hard work for him?

Enter the modern man; expectations of equality have been raised by the modern woman, so why wouldn't he expect the idea of marriage proposals to be a two-way street?
I can't say I disagree, but even the modern woman wishes that romance was a candle not so quickly extinguished by the ideas of the 21st century. We want our cake and to eat it too and perhaps this is grossly unfair in this day and age, but when my boyfriend wishes I'd propose the idea of a life together, pick my own ring and organise everything before, during and after; I almost want to slap modern day feminists for inciting this role reversal!

When did this happen? When did my partner suddenly decide that he too deserved to be lavished with the attention and surprise of pending nuptials?

I have no answer and flatly refuse to give into this bid for equal rights. Perhaps I am selfish and old fashioned, but I'm also more than aware that on the relationship see-saw I don't ask for more than a partner can give and in this instance, I can keep teetering, bouncing up and down with the currents of our relationship until bended knee and extravagant rings appear.

Kristy :)

Saturday, 18 February 2017

10 Reasons why you should travel instead of work!
10. You’re not at work.
I’m sorry but this is flat out the best reason on the planet. Although you may love your job, there is nothing better than waking up to zero expectations and taking the day as it comes and frolicking in the possibility of ‘what if’.
9. You experience a whole new country.
There’s nothing better than the safety and comfort of your own backyard, but sometimes to be able to step into an ocean ten thousand miles away or explore uninhabited bushland or climb pyramids built eons before can open your eyes to a plethora of opportunity. Perhaps your conventional way of living may be inspired by the landscape of somewhere new or your palette cleansed to try a whole host of new and inviting cuisine. Exploring a country of unknown origin is often bursting with excitement and teaming with memories you will never forget.
8. New food.
At work we’re often slotting coins into the vending machine, scouring the canteen for something edible or pushing a homemade salad around the plate. When you’re travelling, you’re forced to try foods you might otherwise ignore when at home and within driving distance of a fast-food restaurant or supermarket. To step outside the comfort zone and taste what a new country has to offer is adventure in itself … unless you get gastro. That sucks.
7. Learning a new language.
There’s nothing wrong with English, it’s one of the most complex and beautiful languages on the planet, but you gotta admit, it’s kind of sexy to speak French or exciting to converse in Arabic.
6. New opportunities.
When travelling, you really don’t know what sort of opportunities might come your way. It could mean an entire lifestyle change; moving to a foreign country of choice, a new city because more exciting job opportunities may wait or even the ability to volunteer in remote and poor communities to satisfy the humanitarian within.
5. Culture.
Believe it or not, experiencing a new culture is paramount to growth as an individual. To be able to see the world through another’s eyes and compare that lifestyle to what you already know and accept is both humbling and life-altering. Sometimes the culture of another country is so far removed from what we consider expectation that it forces you to broaden your horizons and objectively see things from a new perspective.
4. Bills.
The honest truth is; if you’re travelling and not working then it probably means you don’t have any immediate bills to consider and I really I can’t see anything wrong with that. Unless of course you were a buffoon who booked everything on credit and will one day soon be forced to face the mounting debt of hasty decision making. The question then is: was it worth it?
3. Relationships.
As far as I’m concerned and, if your partner and family are with you, it tests boundaries and offers new ways to be cohesive when under suffrage of the same environment. However, if separated, then these bonds can be strengthened or severed depending on what you hope to achieve by the distance in travelling.
2. Casual Fridays.
When at work it’s a rarity to have a casual day where you no longer have to don the sleepwear style blouse or trademark black pants and safety shoes. When travelling you can wear whatever you want and often avoid the pesky laundering bills involved with keeping your work wear attire fresh.
How can you ever have an adventure when shackled to the desk for a nine-to-five? The number one reason anyone travels is to experience a new adventure—something outside the beacon of normality and filled with the possibility of something slightly more exciting then pen pushing and number crunching.